Misadventures of a Recruitment Officer
by The Hero of Bread
Summary: Mark is suddenly thrust into the strange new world of being a recruitment officer, how will he survive?


July 2nd, 2015

* * *

"Hey Rookie, wake up!" Came a loud, voice, much too cheerful for Mark's tired ears to bear. "Wouldn't want to sleep in on your first day on the job, now would ya?"

Mark groaned and rolled over in his covers.

"Urgh…I'm too tired to get up Dad." He curled himself up into a ball, cherishing the warmth.

"Dad? Don't be such a silly head." Came the same voice. "If I was, I think you might be adopted."

"Leave me alone." Mark mumbled, still half asleep.

"Stop torturing the poor boy." Said a second, deeper voice. "Teenagers don't wake up of their own free will before noon. Allow me."  
Mark was snapped out of his early morning daze by a jarring 'THUD' as he hit the floor, dumped unceremoniously from his bed. He struggled for a few moments in the tangled mess of his blankets, before emerging into the light underneath a wild mop of brown hair. He looked up to see a pair of giant floating gloved hands there above him.

"Good morning Mark!" The left one waved, the first voice coming from it.

"Bu-wha-how?" He stammered, unable to form a proper sentence.

"And here we go again…"Groaned the right hand, obviously displeased. "Crazy, I told you to go easy on the sleep powder." He said to the other hand."

"Whoops! Sorry bro, I might have gone a _bit_ overboard."

"A bit." Dryly said the other hand, unimpressed.

"Just a tad." Said 'Crazy', holding his thumb and forefinger slightly apart.

The other hand sighed and began to speak in a tone of voice that told Mark he was tired of this. "Hello Mark, I am Master Hand, and this is my brother, Crazy Hand. Nice to meet you. Again."

"Hello again buddy!" Said Crazy Hand, waving jovially.

"Umm…" Started Mark. "Hi…I guess?" He finally said uncertainly.

"Indeed." Said Master Hand sarcastically. "Even if you don't remember any of yesterday, it still happened. You have been selected as the 'Official Recruitment Officer' for the fourth Super Smash Bros tournament, for Wii U and for 3DS. Hooray." His voice held no enthusiasm.

Crazy Hand tossed a handful of confetti into the air. "Hooray!" He shouted.

The confetti fluttered down around a confused and tired Mark, still sitting on the floor.

"But I didn't…did I? I never signed up for this…" He said.

"Actually." Master Hand said. "You did in fact, sign up for this." He pulled out a stack of papers the size of Mark's head, dropping it to the floor with a 'THUD' as the floor shook slightly from the impact.

"Right there on the first page!" Said Crazy, pointing. "Totally legit!"

Mark leaned over the stacks of paper, his scruffy signature clear as day. He scanned the first few pages, noticing a few interesting things.

"So do I get paid?" Mark asked, confusion slowly giving way to curiosity.

Crazy Hand started. "The journey is its own paym-"

"Yes you do." Said Master Hand. "But we can talk more about that later, we need to hurry." He turned towards the clock.

Crazy tossed Mark a small bundle that landed in his lap.

* * *

Mark stepped out of his room and into a large hallway, he turned and looked at his door, a plaque in the middle of it read, _'Recruitment Officer'_. The rest of the doors had similar plaques, _'Chef'_ , _'Cleaner'_ , _'Announcer'_ , stuff like that. His brand new uniform fit nicely, brown boots, beige trousers, and a black polo shirt emblazoned with a circle with an off-centred cross in the bottom left. The Smash logo.

The hall had hard wood floors, with long rugs, warm lights lining the walls. At the end of the hall was an elevator. Mark walked into it and searched among the many buttons for the ground floor. He found it and pushed it with his thumb. The elevator glided gently downwards and stopped, the doors sliding aside to reveal a wide-open room with a high ceiling. Across the room was a large door with _'The Hands'_ written above it. Mark walked over to the door and knocked.

"It's unlocked!" Came Crazy Hand's voice. "Just walk in!"

Mark entered the room, both hands floating behind a desk.

"Ready to go yet?" Master Hand asked him.

"I think so." Said Mark, much more certain then before. "So who am I going to be recruiting first?"

"First you will be heading off to the Mushroom Kingdom, home to many of the fighters being invited to this tournament." Master Hand tossed a small bag to him, which he caught.

"Inside that is a checklist and a map for you, you'll be sent back here once you've recruited everyone on the list."

"Great, but how do I get there?" Mark questioned.

Crazy answered "By warp pipe of course!"

A green pipe emerged from the floor being Mark with the classic sound.

"Good luck!" Said both hands in unison.

Mark climbed on top of the pipe, being pulled down into, and then up out of it, no longer in the room. The scene of a small office had been replaced by a great castle, white with red roofing. Peach's castle. Mark hopped down and began walking across a flowery field, the sun gently warming his back. He stepped up to the big wooden doors at the front of the castle, and raised his hand to knock.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 _Hello there! Thanks for reading this, I hope you enjoyed! This is my first ever fanfiction, so the quality might be a bit iffy. I chose to write this after browsing through the other OC inserts in Smash, and not very many of them were imaginative or original at all. 'Here is OC I play Smash then go inside it and fight everybody and win and kiss the hawt ones plz no flames.' You all know the drill. Then I thought, could I really do something better? So this is my attempt to do just that, 'Misadventures of a Recruitment Officer'. Tell me what you think of it in the comments, nothing in text lingo or all caps will be responded to._

Bonus Question: If you could use one Smash item in real life as many times as you wanted, which one would it be? (I personally would pick either the bunnyhood or pokéball.)

'Effort used sing! The 42nd Bidoof fell asleep!'


End file.
